So it's a new month, and a new weight-loss goal to tackle. I haven't done particularly well the past few days because of the heat. I don't have air conditioning and I live on the top floor of my house, with only 2 small fans to cool my room. It's led to me not eating too much because I can't eat in heat like this, nor do I want to cook. I also haven't been able to work out. Combine all of this with the fact that we held book club outside on Tuesday since the study room was being used, I had to go to the hospital yesterday and was diagnosed with heat exhaustion. I had a massive headache and was throwing up, and I couldn't rehydrate because I would just throw up the water. They were pretty close to giving me an IV, but after a while in the cool building I was able to keep my fluids down and I was sent home and ordered to rest. Thus, I won't be working the rest of the week - which is good because I need to rest but sucks for my wallet. Not that heat exhaustion is very serious, but I feel like no one cared about it, lol. The few people I told did not even ask how I was doing today (which is better, thanks, due to the weather today and the beautiful breeze we had all day), aside from my boss, bless her heart. She's always so worried about me. But everyone else.. I dunno.It just bugs me because with all of my friends I'm the first one to ask them how they're feeling after not feeling well, no matter how minor. Maybe that's just the way I am and no one else is like that. Maybe I just shouldn't expect people to act how I would act. And I'm sorry for ranting, it was just bugging me all day since it lowers my self-esteem thinking that no one else cares. And it makes me feel... so alone. And then it makes me not want to lose weight because what's the point and then I stop eating healthy... and I just don't want to go down that path. But sometimes I get so close when stupid shit like this brings me down. Ugh. I dunno. Thank goodness my boss sent me an email asking how I was feeling or else I dunno how I'd feel right now.
Anyway. I weighed myself this morning and I stayed steady at the weight I had last Thursday. This was no surprise. Considering I haven't been eating much the past few days (thus my body probably thinks I'm starving and is storing fat) combined with not exercising and the fact that it's that time of the month, I didn't expect to see a change. But at least I didn't gain, which is the important thing.
I was able to cook some stuff today because it wasn't so hot that I couldn't turn the oven on. I made stuffed tomatoes which were delicious. Definitely a recipe I'm going to have to keep. I also bought crispy lettuce wraps which I can use as a substitution for bread and wraps when wanting a light lunch. It's really nice and nutritious. Other than that I just relaxed and took it easy today. I slept in and got some studying in. I may try to work out tomorrow, but the humidity is supposed to return so we'll have to see. I wish I had the money to buy a portable air conditioner because I'm not sure I can survive many more humid days in this room. I need to move somewhere without humidity. Hopefully I'll get a good night's sleep tonight for once and I'll feel almost 100% tomorrow, because this no sleeping thing has brought my headaches back. I felt fine for most of the day except for being slightly nauseous for the duration of my headache (which is still here). Hopefully some rest will make them disappear again - I was pretty happy not dealing with a headache for a week.
I guess that's all for now. Sorry for ranting and the semi-angsty post. I just get frustrated and wonder if this is all worth it sometimes. But I guess it is, if for no one else but myself. I just have to try to keep my head up throughout.
-Monica
I care!
ReplyDeleteAnd I hope you continue to feel better!
^Seconded!
ReplyDeleteI read this article the other day about how overthinking things can lead you to sabotage yourself. And I can totally relate. I let things get to me, and it eventually gets back to food/weight/appearance.
My advice is this: Cut people some slack. You're probably an absolutely amazing friend who remembers to call to check up on people, etc (totally serious). But some people just forget--I am one of those people. I'm sure it's not that none of your friends care about you or how you're feeling, they probably just got wrapped up in themselves. That aside, it seems to me like you have that same little negative voice in the back of your head that makes bad things happen--the one that whispers that no one cares because they forgot to tell you your hair looks nice, or that you're hopeless because you've yet to see a change on the scale--that sort of thing. Granted, I don't know you very well, so I'm just kind of going off of what I see here. But if I'm right, try this:
When you hear that negative voice (or those negative voices) picture it/them as a person. Now imagine a jar--a big glass pickling jar. Take that person (those people) and drop them (one by one, if need be) into that jar. Now put the lid on top. Imagine that you have a remote control for that jar and turn the volume all the way up just long enough to hear how absolutely ASININE those voices are. Then mute it. And shove that jar away.
Or, you know, you could always just tell that little voice to shove it. :)
You're doing so well, Mon. I know I don't know you and you don't really know me, but I feel like we're in this together and I'm really proud of you. You CAN do this. And you know what? You ARE doing this.