So the weekend wasn't a success. Nor was it a failure. I stayed semi-healthy. I always dread coming to my parents house because they always have snacks and I get so tempted. At least when I'm on my own I don't have anything to tempt me and I do rather well. I did snack a little bit this weekend, but nothing too major. I don't expect to lose weight, though. I also didn't end up working out. I wanted to today but for some reason I was completely devoid of all energy and I had a nap instead.
But, I'm still on track to lose 30lbs by the end of the August. I'm going to aim for 185 for the end of June. I know that might be a little ambitious but I'm going to try. I'm going to start off by going for a run tomorrow when I wake up. Then I'll do p90x in my room on Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday I won't have time to as I'm graduating and it's a full day ordeal. Thankfully, my parents are getting me the new elliptical on Thursday and will hopefully set it up with me. After that I know I can reach my goal because I will be able to use it everyday, even humid days, if I put my fan right in front of it. And if I just really stick to eating healthy, I'll be fine, I think. I have to believe I'll be fine.
Amanda showed me an article a couple weeks ago about obstacles to losing weight. Some of it was silly, but one has really stuck out at me. It said you'll never lose weight if you don't love your body. I've thought a lot about that for the past few days. I don't necessarily agree 100% with it. I am repulsed by my body - I hate it. I hate how I look when I stand naked in front of a mirror. It makes me want to die. But I think I derive a lot of strength from that because it pushes me to change. But on the other hand, sometimes I look in the mirror and think "well that's it. I'm a lost cause. I'll never lose weight and never look any better than this so why do I even bother?" and I think that's where I've been lately. I've been very discouraged and I was there all weekend, hence my snacking. But tonight I realized I don't hate my entire body. I like that I'm short. I like that I have tiny hands and feet. I like my hair and I generally like my skin and being pale. And referencing last year when I was 178lbs, I could look in the mirror and not feel completely hopeless and I know I have the potential to love my body. And I think despite hating my weight, I can push through it and at least give myself the illusion that I love my body by really focusing on the parts that I love. I got a pedicure today and it made me realize that I should focus on enhancing the parts of myself that are nice and the body will follow. So I'm going to focus on keeping my hair healthy, I'm going to stop biting my nails, I'm going to use my body brush on my skin and continue to moisturize and take care of it, especially my face. I really hope this will encourage me to let my body follow.
So I've hit a bit of a roadblock lately and have stayed the same weight but I think I'm ready to break through it. My problem lately (minus the not working out/eating due to the humidity) has been all psychological so I just need to be strong enough to recognize the signs and be strong enough to rise above and look at the big picture. And the big picture is me at 130lbs, healthy and fit, with one less thing holding me back from living my life the way that I want to.
-Monica
I think that it is important to concentrate on the parts of your body you love. And then think about how much you will love the rest of your body in a few months..
ReplyDeleteI've been going through a roadblock also, just have to try to keep the right mindset!