Starting Over

I'm taking today to start over fresh. It was a bit of a rough weekend. It was a rough week. A bunch of things happened, got too much bad news and combined with being sick, they all piled up and I just kind of fell off the wagon this weekend. I didn't eat anything completely terrible, but yesterday I did eat almost an entire bag of crispy minis. Granted those bags aren't exactly big, and it could have been a lot worse if I had eaten chips or something, but still. I blame my rough week and being sick and it being that time of the month. But I'm starting over today. I'm going to go carbless for a few days just to do a quick detox and hopefully it'll jumpstart my weightloss again. As far as I can tell I haven't gained, but I haven't lost either. We'll see how it goes in a few days. I'm so close to 190 that I don't want to get discouraged now.

It's supposed to be another humid week so I can foresee me not wanting to eat very much. It's why going carbless is a good idea for this week; I tend to not like carbs in the humid weather and very much stick to cold foods like veggies. I'm also hoping to begin exercising again this week. My mom hasn't brought me my new elliptical yet because she's too busy, so I have to continue improvising. Knowing my mom I'll probably be waiting a while still. It sucks too because even in the humid weather I'd use my elliptical. I'd just put a fan in front of it and go to it for an hour or however long. So it's frustrating that the one exercise I want to be doing, I can't.

My LSAT studying has been going well. I've been surprising myself by how well I do on the reading comprehension section. I've realized that my LSAT score is likely going to be directly related to my confidence. I generally don't have confidence in my abilities, but seeing myself consistently do well on this section has changed that a bit. Maybe it'll transfer into my weight-loss abilities as well. I do feel like as soon I hit 178lbs, where I was last year, I'll begin to have  confidence in myself again. But until then it's going to be a struggle.

I'm really not sure what's going on with me lately. I'm moody and emotional and I feel like I'm pushing everyone away. I don't want that and I don't mean to do it but I get like this sometimes. And I think it's times like these when I really need people to make sure I don't push them away. But everyone has their own problems and their own lives and I know that they can't be concerned all the time with how I feel and I get that. But it's still hard and I've just been feeling completely defeated lately. I'm trying so hard to keep my self-esteem up and to convince myself that I deserve the things I have and the people I have in my life, but it was difficult this week. It's a new week though. I'm going to keep my head up and I'll just have to constantly remind myself that I can do this, that I'm smart, and that I deserve the people who love me, and that they do in fact love me. I don't think it'll be easy, but it's just another obstacle I'm going to have to overcome.