Update:

Not much to say. I didn't do much last week... mostly because my hands and feet were sore from my very short stint at Ferrero. Plus it was Thanksgiving so I didn't eat the greatest.

I've been good the past few days, though. I actually have a reason and motivation to be going to the gym now so that's great. I can't say it here though because people who can't know about it read this blog, haha. But it's a greattttt reason. I went to bodyart yesterday and am going either to design method or body sculpt on Thursday. Then Friday I'll probably go to ballet.

I made apple butter today which is delicious and pretty healthy. I couldn't find sugar-free cider though so the cider I used had quite a bit of sugar but oh well. It's definitely healthier than jam and stuff so it's a good alternative.

Tomorrow I'm really going to get back on the working out and studying train. My LSAT is coming quicker than I want it to and I've been slacking. So tomorrow I'm at least going to do half a test... maybe a full one. My personal statements have been written and are in the process of being edited so that's a big thing out of the way. Just gotta start shedding the pounds and studying now!

-Monica

Chinese Food.

Update:

I know it's terrible but I ate Chinese food today. And now I feel fat. So I'm going to sit in the corner and cry now.

Kbye.

-Monica

Good Week.

I weighed myself yesterday morning and I'm 180.5lbs! It means all my hard work has been paying off. I know I'm behind but if I can lose at least 15lbs more before Christmas, I will be in good shape. Even if I'm 140lbs before I go to law school... as long as I'm lean, I'll be happy. I think that's the main thing I need to think about - it's not necessarily about the number on the scale, but about how many inches I lose and how lean I am. Because if I'm a bit heavier but it's all muscle - then who cares, right?

This week, my gym routine consisted of:

Monday - Physique
Tuesday - BodyART
Wednesday - break
Thursday - Body Sculpt

I was going to go to Ballet today but I'm really not feeling well. My stomach really hurts and I haven't eaten anything because of it. Tomorrow I'll try to at least work out at home before I go into work. Sunday I'll either work out at home or go to the gym. Next week instead of body sculpt I'm trying design method too, which I'm really excited about. Kelly and Kirsten have been coming to the gym with me which is nice. I think next week on Tuesday, Kelly and I are going to do anti-gravity yoga for an hour then do the BodyART class. So even though it's yoga, at least I'll be doing 2 hours on Tuesday.

Last week when I was in NY, I bought a bunch of clothes that are too small. My goal is to lose 10lbs and fit into these. I think one of them will still be tight when I've lost 10lbs, but that's just incentive to lose more. I also bought a dress I want to wear on Christmas.

Adorable, right? The picture doesn't do it justice because it's the most adorable dress ever and so my style. It fits but I don't like how it looks on me right now because there's a little too much belly action going on. If I can lose 15lbs, I definitely think I can rock this dress. So that's why I'm working really hard, because I don't want to waste this dress. Isn't it so little girl-ish/old lady-ish at the same time? It's so adorable, haha. I'm so determined to wear it.

I've been eating well for the most part. Not as many veggies as I should be eating but I'll try to change that. And usually when I work at the bar, I have the dessert they serve (crepes with vanilla ice cream and strawberries) because you need a little pick me up. Thankfully they're small, and I usually don't eat the dinner there because it's too bad for me... so it evens out, maybe? I usually bring some fruit to snack on but I don't always have time to snack, especially at weddings that keep the bar open during dinner. But we'll see, and I'll try my hardest to be good this weekend.

I think that's it for now. And thanks so much to everyone who reads this and bugs me to write. So many people I wouldn't expect to read this do and it really does motivate me to keep going because I don't want to disappoint anyone, and most of all, I don't want to disappoint myself.

-Monica

I'm Back!

Since SOMEONE bothers me every day to update this, I figured I finally would.

I know it's been a while. Stuff came up that really altered the way I was living for a little so the whole diet/weight loss was put on hold. But I think, and I hope, things will be okay for a while so I can get back on track.

I joined The Athletic Club. I love some of the classes, and it was cheaper to just join. I haven't been going much lately, but I'm trying to change that. So I have a plan for this week.

Today - went to BodyART
Wednesday - usually my day off, but going to Physique
Thursday - usually I would go to Body Sculpt or Design Method but I believe I am going to the US for the day so this week it will be a rest day
Friday - Ballet Strength & Stretch
Saturday - I have to work at 4 but if I get up early enough I'll go to the gym and just run for an hour and do some weights or whatever.
Sunday - weights & cardio
Monday - Physique
Tuesday - BodyART

This is all assuming I don't have a job that interferes with the classes - hopefully I can still go to my classes when I get a job.

I feel pretty good about myself after tonight. Just feeling like I can do this. I was thinking today about how much I want to get to my goal by next year, and I realized I really need to ramp it up. My goal for the end of the year is 165, I believe. That's a little more than 1lb a week, which is doable. If I get my gym schedule on track, hopefully my eating will follow. Although I feel good about myself today, I didn't eat particularly well. I had a healthy breakfast and lunch, but for dinner we had plum pierogi. But we only make them once a year when italian plums are in season, so I figured it was okay. Plus I'm not a huge fan of them so I only had like.. 8 or something. Tomorrow I'll wake up and eat healthy, go to the gym, and have leftover homemade veggie soup for dinner.

I think I can do this. I think my mind is back in a place where I'm able to really focus. I feel like with this and law school applications, it'll take up a lot of my time but I suppose it's worth it in the end. I'm just ready to be healthy. And if I can get to 165 or less by the end of the year, I'd be convinced I can do this. As for a short term goal, I'm going to say 174lbs by the end of October, hopefully. I think I'd be in a good position if I got to that. I'm not quite sure what I weigh right now because I've been scared to check but I know its around the 184lb mark, so it's not like I'm completely off track. I'm obviously losing slower than I want to, but we all come across bumps in the road.

So I'm ready to get back on track and am gunna need everyone to bug me to update this and talk to me about this so that I stay motivated. Motivation is a huge problem sometimes, but I really want to stick with this. I think I can with everyone's help.

-Monica

PS. I have an awesome boyfriend and I love him and stuff and he makes me update my blog so he's pretty cool.

Update

So, I'm at a bit of a plateau. I can't seem to get below 182lbs, which is kind of annoying. I switched up my exercise routine today and moved to level 3 of the shred, which I love. I'm going to pick my 3 and 5lb weights tomorrow though, because some of those moves need more than the 2s. I'll keep the 2s for the cardio, but some of them I definitely want to be using my 5s. I especially want to use those on the arm exercises because I'd like to start seeing a difference in my arms.

I found 3 pairs of older jeans in my room which had been too small on me. I tried them on today, somewhat skeptically, and they actually ended up being a tiny bit too big on me! I was really happy. I'll still wear them because I'm in a weird in between stage where the jeans I have are either too big or too small... none of them fit nicely. Which is okay, because hopefully in 5-7lbs I'll be able to fit into my skinny jeans again. I just need to get past this plateau. I did get a compliment about my weight loss yesterday, though. My aunt, who is bigger herself and has always been the type to say "what's the point of diets? just eat whatever you want" said that I was looking good. It actually meant a lot because she's really not the type to comment on things like that. So at least I'm at the point where people can notice I've lost weight, but I still want to lose way more.

I'm just really going to go hard this week. I think I'll do a class at the gym too. Amanda and I decided not to do the booty camp because it's too expensive. So I'm going to do a few classes at the gym with her. Hopefully we're going to do this Body Art class on Tuesday which is like.. strength training and cardio mix, but also with a focus on relaxation. I also really want to do a cycling class, and physique which is a ballet conditioning class which I love. I hope doing these will help me push past this plateau. But if anyone has any tips on how to get past plateaus please let me know! I'm drinking water and not snacking at all, so I hope I'll get to 180. I really want a pedicure!

I think that's it for now!

-Monica

Quick update -

Things are going well. I'm still 182lbs. I did eat chinese food tonight because my aunt invited us over for dinner but I made healthy choices. And despite a pulled muscle in my leg, I still worked out today which I'm glad about. I'll just keep making good choices the rest of August and I feel like I will make it to 175lbs.

Also, my mom has informed me that I need to put my old jeans on because my current ones are like.. falling off of me. And I've started wearing clothes that I was wearing last summer when I was just a few pounds lighter than I am now.. so I'm happy with my progress so far. I think it's a good sign.

-Monica

Okay.. really back on track this time.

I had a cheat weekend, haha. I was on my period and craving every bad food imaginable, and I let myself indulge. But today I was back on track for sure. It was actually the first day since I've been sick where I felt like I had the sustained energy to get through a workout. I did the 30 day shred and it really tired me out, but I got through it. I also ate very healthy today. I know I gained a few pounds the past few days, but hopefully they'll be off soon.

I had someone comment that I looked good this weekend. My cousin, who I don't see very often, said that I was looking great. It made me feel pretty good about myself since people can notice a difference in the way that I look. I think it gave me extra motivation to keep going - because who knows what kind of compliments I'll get when I'm down 30, 40, 50lbs.

Amanda and I are signing up for booty camp which I'm looking forward to. I hope it'll kick our asses. Maybe it'll be what I need to help me reach 175lbs by the end of August. If I combine it with eating healthy (and from not until the end of August I only have one foreseeable occasion where I may not eat completely healthy) and doing the shred + normal cardio on non-booty camp days, I feel like I'll reach my goal. I'm going to stay positive about this. I also can't wait to get my pedicure so I'm doing my best to drop the few extra pounds until I read 180. I found this old notebook of mine and I found a piece of paper I wrote on in the summer of 2007. It was about my weight - I had recorded my weight along with the exercises I had done that day. I was 177.4lbs - at this point I had gained most of the weight I had lost back. So it makes me very optimistic because once I reach 175lbs, it'll be the smallest I've been in 4 years. I'll have no choice but to keep going after that because I'll be so happy with my progress.

On the studying side of things, I did an entire practice LSAT today under timed conditions. I got a 178. It's kind of crazy thinking about it because only like, 1% of test takes score that high on the actual test. I know I'll get lower on the actual test just because of the pressure of test day and anxiety and all that, but if I can get at least a 170 I'll be so happy. I still need to make an appointment with the bank though to see if I can get the money for law school. I also need to start writing my personal statements very soon - likely later this week. I sent off some emails to old professors about writing recommendation letters for me and I think I've found two great profs who will write me one - I hope so anyway because I'm not sure who else I'd ask. It'll be such a relief to get that out of the way.

All in all, I've had a pretty productive day and I'm happy about it.

-Monica

Thursday Weigh-in

I weighed myself this morning even though I wasn't expecting to see a change. In fact, I was expecting to see a gain.

Weight: 182lbs!

So I've lost 18 so far. I'm hopeful that I can get to at least 181 before August so that my goal of 175ish by the end of August can happen. Even less would be better. Saying to myself that I've lost 18lbs sounds so much better than saying I've only lost 15 or 16. I'm proud. And only 2 more to go before my next reward. My sister is paying for my next reward. She said she wanted to treat me and her to a girls day of pedicures and manicures and I told her that a pedicure was my reward for losing 20lbs, so she promised to wait until then. She did tell me to hurry up though, haha. But only 2lbs to go and we can go get them! Just the pedicure though.... I haven't quite stopped biting my nails yet. But hopefully at 170 I can get a manicure.

It feels so weird... almost being out of the 180s. I feel like it wasn't too long ago that I was on the scale and seeing over 200. And here I am.. thinking about how I'm so close to seeing 179 on that scale. I am proud. I do still feel fat and I still hate my body and the way I look... but I know it's a work in progress, and I'm on my way to loving my body.

I really wanted to work out today but I'm getting the worst cramps. My period has been really messed up lately and the past 2 months have been horrible on the cramp side of things. I put my work out clothes on and everything and kept trying to work out.. but getting cramps in the middle of a set of jumping jacks is not fun. The pamprin I took isn't working either. So.. I don't know. I'll try tomorrow and for sure I'll work out all weekend. And if my cramps get better later today I'll try to work out.

I guess that's it for now. I'm happy with my progress so far, even though I'm not where I expected to be. But at least I'm losing, even if it is slowly.

-Monica

Mostly Better.

I started working out today. I decided to start with something light since I do still have a slight cold and I still don't have all of my energy back. I did 50 minutes on the elliptical and almost passed out afterwards from being to tired. I don't think it was from not being used to working out, I think it was from not eating enough beforehand and just being so drained of energy. But at least I got up and started moving. I think on Thursday I'll start the 30 day shred again.

It was a rough week. Being sick as well as other things. Things aren't completely better but relatively speaking they are. I'm better and I'm planning on staying with my parents until the humidity lets up. There's some other stuff going on that I'm still having a bit of a tough time with but I don't think it'll interfere with my working out or eating healthy. We'll see. It was one of the reasons I didn't work out last week... some things are just more important at times. But I guess I'm back on track now.

I feel like I'm always saying that... that I'm back on track. But something always comes up and I get off track. I dunno. Ugh. Hopefully I'll stay on track this time. I hope I will.

-Monica

Still Sick.

There's nothing to say.. I'm 184lbs. That's pretty surprising since I'm still sick. It's been a really rough week for more than one reason and I haven't been eating properly. I'm on a steady diet of ginger ale, soup and popsicles. I've pretty much had no appetite the past few days... I eat once a day and that's it. Absolutely no energy to work out either. On top of the strep throat I also have a cold, so it's been rough.Today's the first day I've felt a little better though, so I'm encouraged. I was getting a little worried that I'd have to go in for a mono test, because the doctor told me if I wasn't seeing an improvement in the next three days, she'd need me to get a mono  test. And even my dad said he was concerned because I wasn't getting better. But hopefully by tomorrow I'll be feeling even better and won't have any worries about mono. Also, I guess an upside to being sick is that at the buck and doe on Saturday I won't drink and probably won't eat very much.

That's it for now I guess. Also, I love Nick and he's pretty awesome and stuff.

-Monica

Sick.

Just a quick update while I'm actually not on the couch or in bed.

I have strep throat which means I'll pretty much be out of commission the next 3-4 days. I'll see if I feel up to exercising lightly tomorrow, but today I'm way too drained and sore. I'm also not eating a lot because of it so I won't have the fuel to work out.

Update though: I weigh 184.2lbs. :)

This week has been crazy good in the weight loss department. Not so good in the health department. But I'm going to run out while I'm up to get some soup (the healthiest I can find) and I'll take meds and nurse myself back to health.

-Monica

Back on track.. for real this time.

I'm much better the past 2 days. I think I was just having a few off days as a result of letting myself go for those couple days. But I'm back. And I'm happy to report that my weight is 186.8lbs. This means that since I've been back I've lost those 2.5lbs and then some. I knew they would come off quickly but I don't think I expected it this quickly. But I've been working really hard and I think the detox is helping too.

The detox that I'm using, for anyone interested, is the Slimquick gentle 7-day cleanse. I had my dad read the ingredients (and by this I mean he sat on the couch and I read the ingredients to him while he looked thoughtful) and he gave me the go ahead for it. The only thing about it is that is has senna in it, which is a natural laxative, and it's too harsh for a lot of people. I was reading reviews and a lot of people said that and they were getting severe cramps and the chills and such. I don't get things that bad - I get mild to severe cramping but it only lasts maybe a total of 2-3 minutes a day. I figure no pain, no gain, and I can deal with a couple minutes of cramping each day to cleanse my body. You just need to have a toilet nearby at times, haha. Was that too much information? I dunno. I mean, it's a cleanse so obviously that's how your body is going to cleanse yourself! I would definitely recommend everyone do it at least once because you really do feel better after. Just if you have bad side effects, stop. It's helpful to do research on the ingredients too and to talk to a pharmacist or someone similar.

I worked out for almost 2 hours today. I did the shred, level 2, and then about 75 minutes on the elliptical. I was so exhausted after I could barely stand up, but it was a great feeling. Tomorrow I'll do the 30-day shred and then depending on how I'm feeling, maybe the elliptical. Saturday and Sunday I'll do a shred and then the elliptical. I'm also measuring myself on Saturday, I believe. I've been eating well. Although today I made a big dinner and then I felt sick so I only ate a little of it. I think it was just from working out so hard, my stomach was being weird. But oddly enough I'm not even hungry. It's good that my appetite is beginning to get smaller again.

I feel good about myself. I'm happy about that. I also feel like my goal of 170-175lbs by the end of August is attainable. If I go hard until June 23rd and hopefully lose another 3-5lbs, I'll be in a good place. Then after the 23rd I'll go hard for over a month and I'll hopefully lose the last 10lbs or whatever. I definitely think I can do it if I keep going as hard as I am. I'm optimistic right now.

-Monica

Having a tough time.

I'm having a bit of a tough time. Last week was the villages and my birthday. I ate poorly, which was to be expected. I only gained 2.5lbs, which should be reason to celebrate, right? But when you've only lost 12.5lbs total.. it kind of sucks. I feel like I'm failing at this.

I saw pictures of myself from my brother's birthday party and I was just disgusted at how I looked. I don't know if it's that the camera adds pounds or what, but I don't feel like I look like that when I look in the mirror. So it's hard seeing pictures of myself, and seeing how others view me. I look terrible. And it makes me feel awful. Especially because, as I've mentioned before, I feel like I am progressing, but when that doesn't translate to how people view me... it's very disheartening. And I've just been a mess lately.

I don't want to look like this anymore. I'm tired of feeling terrible about myself and thinking I'm fat and ugly. I want it to change. And on one hand, it fuels the fire and pushes me to work harder. But on the other hand.. it's such a slow process and it's so hard to keep my spirits up. I think I need all the help I can get right now. All I know is that I want to be able to wear cute clothes and not look at something and realize I'm too big for it. To want to actually buy bathing suits. To wear cute dresses and to not be completely self conscious about how I look from the side when I'm sitting down. To be confident enough in how I look and myself so I can believe that I'm good enough. But a big part of me keeps thinking I'll fail at this just like I've failed at countless other things. The difference is that this is the one thing I don't want to fail at, and I don't know what I'll do if I do.

Today was my first day working out for almost a week. Not by choice - my ankle was very sore and I spent the last few days icing it. It hurt this morning but by the time I got home it was fine. I did day 11 of the 30 day shred (level 2) and an hour on the elliptical. I would have done more but I was starving and needed time to study and shower. I'm really going to go hard the next couple weeks. I don't have anything until June 23rd. I have a buck and doe that night and I've already decided that I will do one of two things: if I eat the food, I won't drink, and if I drink I won't eat the food. I need to start making sacrifices so that one bad day doesn't put me back a week. This week I'm going hard on working out - no break until next Wednesday since I didn't work out Sunday or Monday. I'm also going to eat incredibly healthy and do my detox (which is just a cleansing pill that received approval from my dad). So it's a 7-day detox and I started that today. I also ate lots of veggies today - 3 cups of broccoli anyone?

I'm trying to keep myself distracted so I don't get so down about how I look. I've spent the entire night studying and beginning my law school applications, or at least figuring out what exactly I need to do for the applications. I've really got to get a move on those, especially the personal statements.

Anyway, that's it for now. Hopefully I'll lose those 2.5lbs doing this detox and get right back on track.

-Monica

Updating (because I'm being made to blog)

So, Nick is making me blog because it's his birthday and he thinks this allows him to order me around.

I feel like I've been pretty good the past few days. I've eaten Polish food but not gone overboard and I haven't eaten any cake or dessert. I've stuck to either 1 or 2 drinks as well. Tomorrow will be a different story though because we're partying all night. Then Saturday since it's my birthday I'm going to pig out, haha. But I have nothing next weekend so this will give me almost 2 weeks of uninterrupted healthy eating where I can get back on track, hopefully.

I feel better. I look in the mirror and I know I'm not skinny but I feel better. Even my mom commented that she could tell today which made me happy. And she said she's been proud of my food choices the past couple days, because I usually take a dinner break with her so she sees what I'm eating. I didn't exercise today because I twisted my ankle as I was about to and it was really bugging me. I did get a lot of exercise at the hall though - running up and down the stairs and running around the hall fetching things for everyone. My ankle is killing me tonight but oh well.

There's not too much else to update on. Everything else is going pretty well, considering. I weighed myself this morning and it said 188.5lbs which is good since it's been kind of crazy. So if I can just maintain that, then the next couple weeks I'll go hard. I'm also going to do a detox next week which will help me quickstart my weight loss again.

I suppose all I need is continued support from those closest to me and I'll be fine. I know I'm not where I wanted to be but we all have obstacles and I just have to overcome them. I just hope by this time next year I'll be where I want to be and healthy.

Also, happy birthday to my wonderful boyfriend! I love youuuu.

-Monica

Quick Update

Just a quick update - I've been busy and haven't had much time to write.

I just finished day 9 of the shred. I ate horribly yesterday because it was my brother's birthday party so today I did the shred and went for a run. I feel like the next few weeks I won't lose much because my birthday is this week and  I just have so many events that will put me back. I've decided though, that at the villages I will only eat badly on my birthday and the rest of the days I'll stay healthy.

I'm kind of worried that I'm losing my motivation. I've just been so bad lately. And this month, my PMS has been awful. I normally don't get really bad cravings but I did this month. I ate like 10 cookies the one night and yesterday I had 2 donuts on top of everything else. But I think my cravings have been satisfied so I'll eat well today.

I think I'm not going to weigh myself for a while. I feel like the pressure I've put on myself to lose a certain amount of weight every month is really getting to me and stressing me out. So, I'm going to stick to measuring myself every 15 days, and I'll just weigh myself once every 2 weeks or something. I know it'll be harder to track my progress but.. oh well. This month I doubt I'll lose much, so I'm changing my goal to be 175ish by the end of August. August I'll lose a lot because I have nothing really planned so no reason to eat bad. It's just this month that's crazy with birthdays and buck and does and weddings. I hate it and I'm trying but it's hard.

Anyway, I'm going to try hard this week to at least maintain. Tomorrow will be my last day of level 1 of the shred then I move to level 2. I didn't work out yesterday because I had no time. This week I'm hoping to work out from Sunday (today, which I did) and every day until Saturday. Saturday I'll break this week because I'll likely be hungover (although I'm going to try my best to not be and to not drink so much). So.. we'll see. I know Wednesday I usually break but I'm going to try to work out this Wednesday just because I did break yesterday.

Anyway, that's it for now. I'm just trying to get motivated again, despite all my setbacks.

-Monica

What a week.

I don't even know where to begin. The last few days have been insane and hard. The wedding was interesting. There was a lot of family drama involved and I was pretty upset for most of the night. I didn't actually calm down until I was home and my wonderful boyfriend cheered me up. Food-wise, the food wasn't great. I was disappointed but obviously still ate it because I needed to eat. I've been eating well since than to make up for the extra carbs I ate. Then some other stuff happened today and yesterday that has just got me so upset and stressed out. Thankfully, working out has helped relieve some of that stress and allowed me to release a lot of frustration.

I'm on day 5 of the 30 day shred. Today I did a lot of working out. Last night I saw pictures of myself from the wedding and I think it motivated me. I did not like the way I looked and it was very upsetting for me. Because I feel like I've been doing so well, but then I see pictures of myself and it's like you can't tell I've lost 12.5lbs. And even if you can, it doesn't matter because I'm still big and I won't be small for a long time. It's frustrating and upsetting. So I decided I was really going to go hard, both on the healthy eating and working out. Not too hard that I can't handle it but enough that I'm pushing myself. Yesterday I did the shred and 20 minutes on the elliptical. It was a lot but I felt like I could still do a lot more. So today, I did the shred twice and 40 minutes on the elliptical for a total of an hour and 40 minutes of exercise. I feel good. I won't do this much every day, but I think I have a new schedule in mind:

Sunday - DVD once + 20-40 minutes elliptical/treadmill
Monday - DVD once
Tuesday - DVD twice + 40 minutes elliptical/treadmill
Wednesday - Rest
Thursday - DVD twice + 40 minutes elliptical/treadmill
Friday - DVD once + 20-40 minutes elliptical/treadmill (every other week, most likely)
Saturday - DVD twice + 40 minutes elliptical/treadmill

I feel like that's a solid workout schedule and one that will push me but won't be too much. And the elliptical/treadmill will depends whether I'm here or at my parent's, because I'll be there a lot in July. I guess I've just finally realized that I can't just stroll along and eat healthy and workout casually. I need to push myself. If I ever feel it's too much, I'll back off, but right now I think I can handle it. I've also established snack days. They are Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. On these days I'll be allowed to have something like a slimfast bar, granola bar or crispy minis (so smart snacks that aren't overloaded with sugar or sodium). The other 4 days I'm going to have to snack on fruits and veggies. I feel like I snack most night on granola bars and such, and I want to cut that down. I think 3 days a week is a good compromise.

On day 10 of the shred, I'm going to advance to level 2. So on days when I do the shred twice, if level 2 is too hard, I'll do level 2 once and level 1 once. I've also measured myself, and I plan on measuring myself every subsequent 15 days of the shred - so one at the start, one halfway through at day 15, and one at the end at day 30, just to see how effective it is.

I feel good despite everything. I'm going to eat dinner in a bit - leftover baked chicken, a salad and likely some baked tomatoes or I'll make green beans. Depends. So in spite of feeling down about how I look and having a terrible week, I'm trying to turn it into something positive - working out as a distraction and to relieve stress and using it as an incentive to keep losing weight.

-Monica

Day 2 of the 30 Day Shred

So I did my 2nd day of the 30 day shred. I really didn't want to do it because I was pretty sore from yesterday, but it wasn't so bad that I couldn't work out. So I did it. It was surprising because I already feel my endurance building. I can definitely see how you would get results if you go hard for 30 days. So I'm happy I did it today. Although tomorrow is not usually a rest day, I have a wedding to attend so day 3 will be Sunday (unless we are invited to the poprawiny which is a polish tradition.. basically a big party the day after a wedding where you eat all the leftover food and drink all the leftover booze). But we'll see how it goes. Tomorrow I will try my best to make smart choices, or at least not to completely overeat.

I guess that's all I have to say for now. I'm planning on measuring myself once I'm back home and have my measuring tape just to see how big a difference this 30 day shred makes outside of the scale. So, we'll see how it goes!

-Monica

Thursday Weigh-in

Just want to give a quick weigh-in, as I weighed myself at my parents this morning!

187.5lbs!!!!

I'm so happy because this is less than I expected. I still think my scale and my mom's scale need to be compared again, so I'm going to do my best at only weighing in on my mom's scale since it's the one I'm going by, so I may not weigh in every single week now. But I'm so happy. And I'm going to order my iphone case today even though Canada Post is still on strike. And only 7.5 more pounds until my next reward which is a pedicure! So I'm officially down 12.5lbs and I've broken the first 10. I think at this point I'm very encouraged. By the end of the month I'd like to lose at least 2.5lbs so I can be an even 185, so that's my goal. Losing more would be even better. But 185 will be my goal.

Okay but I'm off to start my 30 day shred! Yay!

-Monica

New Elliptical!

I finally got my new eliptical! It's fantastic. It was originally $1000, but it was half off and we got an additional $10 off because we bought the floor model. And then the price came down a little more because my mom is a master at bargaining. Needless to say, we got this elliptical for a crazy price. I used it today for 45 minutes and I love it. I was going to use it yesterday but carrying the thing up 4 flights of stairs to my room was workout enough and my arms are so sore today. But I used it and I love it and I'm so happy I got it back.

Amanda was telling me yesterday how she bought the 30 day shred by Jillian Michaels. It's not the first time I've heard about this DVD. She showed me some before and after pictures that people had posted and wow! The difference in just 30 days is amazing. So I went on amazon and ordered 3 Jillian Michaels DVDs - the 30 day shred, ripped in 30 and banish fat boost metabolism. The 30 day shred seems to be the easiest, and then the DVDs get subsequently harder. So I'm going to start with the 30 day shred for 30 days, and if I feel I'm ready then I'll start ripped in 30. If not I may just up the difficulty of the 30 day shred for another month. I likely won't get the DVDs in for a bit, depending on the Canada Post strike, so until then I'll use my elliptical. I've also made a bit of a workout schedule that I'm doing to try to follow:

Sunday: DVD + 20-30 minutes elliptical
Monday: DVD
Tuesday: DVD + 20-30 minutes elliptical
Wednesday: Rest
Thursday: DVD + 20-30 minutes elliptical
Friday: DVD + 20-30 minutes elliptical (but only every other week)
Saturday: DVD + 20-30 minutes elliptical

I'll try to follow that as best I can. If I'm at my parents I'll replace the elliptical with a short run on the treadmill. I think it's a bit ambitious but I'm going to try because I'd really like to start seeing results. As for this month, I'd like to just see myself lose 3-4 more pounds and I'll be pleased.

I also started studying for my LSAT again today. I had taken a bit of a break. I think after this week I'll start on my personal statements as well. I really need to get cracking on those. This week is pretty busy again for me, otherwise I'd start this week. So for now all I'm doing is looking at the practice test I wrote, at the logical reasoning questions, and going over the types of questions I got wrong. If I can learn how to better attack those questions - well, that'll be the difference between getting a 167 and a 170. So I'm really going to try.

I've been eating pretty well. I don't have many veggies left in the house and I don't want to buy any because I'm going to my parents on Wednesday until Sunday (we have a wedding this weekend). So I'm going to survive the week on broccoli and tomatoes. I don't think that'll be too bad anyway. Then on Saturday at the wedding I'm going to probably pig out a little, haha, and drink. But I'll make smart choices during dinner anyway and I'll try not to completely binge. I don't want to drink very much anyway just because the last few times I've drank more than 2-3 drinks, I've felt awful. And the same thing happens when I eat unhealthy food. I guess that's what happens when your body is no longer used to having those things in your body. It also makes me know that my body is getting healthier and I don't want to do anything to screw that up.

I'm still having foot problems. Ten minutes into my workout today my foot was in a lot of pain. So I took my runners off and put my airwalks on. I know I shouldn't workout with airwalks, but my foot doesn't hurt when I use them. That's why I'm being led to believe it is a shoe problem. I've tried to keep my shoes looser but I'm not sure how else to prevent it. Unless it's something that'll go away as I lose more weight. I guess I'll find out.

I think that's it for now!

-Monica

Thursday Weigh-in

Sorry it's been a few days. Life has been busy. I graduated today which was fun, but it was a really long day. And I did have a few snacks, but I think I earned it. I weighed myself this morning and I was 190.6lbs. I'm so close to 190! I would justl ike to lose at least 3 or 4 more pounds by the end of June for me to be satisfied. I realize that I'm a little behind but there's nothing I can do about it. I think once I do get the first 10lbs out of the way, I'll feel like I can do this. I was supposed to get a new elliptical today but it ended up being too late so my mom is coming this weekend to help me go get one. So once I have that back, hopefully on Saturday, I'll start working out more consistently. I did work out a little this week - I went for a run and did some workout videos, but I feel like it'll be so much better when I get another elliptical.

The weather's been nice lately so no problems there, and I have been making sure to eat extremely healthy. Even today I did my best. I had a side salad at dinner with my chicken, but I also had a dinner roll and swiss chalet sauce but oh well. For lunch we were at a luncheon so I had to choose from what they had. I had a salad and a sandwich on one piece of multigrain bread and some fruit. The bad food came in at the reception - I had one onion ring, a spring roll, a mozarella stick, a tiny meatball, and a piece of pita bread with some hummus on it. Obviously not good food but I only had one of each so I didn't go overboard. Then they had a chocolate fountain so I had 2 chocolate covered strawberries, haha. I couldn't resist and they were so so so delicious! But tomorrow I'll just have to work extra hard to be healthy. I likely stayed under or around 1500 calories today because the bad food that I did had were very small, so I'm confident today wasn't a total write-off. Plus I probably ended up walking around campus today for a good 45-50 minutes because we had to park so far away. I did my best with what I was given and I did treat myself because after 4 years I deserve it. One day won't be the end of this weight-loss.

I was planning on working out tomorrow but I wore new shoes today and they are so sore, so I don't know how they'll be tomorrow. I've also been having this weird problem when I work out, which started towards the beginning of the year when I began working out again. My right foot gets incredibly sore when doing anything after about 15 minutes. I thought at first it was because I was out of shape, but last year when I was working out and heavier than I am now, I didn't have this problem. Then I thought it could be my shoes but all of my running shoes fit and they aren't too tight and it happens no matter what pair I'm using. Even the shoes I was wearing last year to run in do it and I don't know why. Maybe I injured my foot at some point? But it doesn't really feel like an injury. It just hurts. It does feel like my shoe is too tight and it starts getting tingly but I've been keeping my shoes loose. It's so weird and I hope it stops because it gets very sore and annoying and I sometimes have to stop working out. That's why I like the elliptical - because I'm not constantly taking my foot off the ground, it takes a lot longer for it to start bothering me and I can work with it bothering me a bit. I'm really not sure why it's doing this though.

I think that's about it for now. Hopefully by Monday or so I'll be able to order my new iphone case! Not that I'll get it unless the Canada Post strike ends but I'll have ordered it anyway! And then I'll focus on getting to 180 so I can get a pedicure! And I adore pedicures so you know I'm going to work hard to get to that point so I can spend 40 glorious minutes sitting in a massage chair! It can't come soon enough.

-Monica

A semi-healthy weekend

So the weekend wasn't a success. Nor was it a failure. I stayed semi-healthy. I always dread coming to my parents house because they always have snacks and I get so tempted. At least when I'm on my own I don't have anything to tempt me and I do rather well. I did snack a little bit this weekend, but nothing too major. I don't expect to lose weight, though. I also didn't end up working out. I wanted to today but for some reason I was completely devoid of all energy and I had a nap instead.

But, I'm still on track to lose 30lbs by the end of the August. I'm going to aim for 185 for the end of June. I know that might be a little ambitious but I'm going to try. I'm going to start off by going for a run tomorrow when I wake up. Then I'll do p90x in my room on Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday I won't have time to as I'm graduating and it's a full day ordeal. Thankfully, my parents are getting me the new elliptical on Thursday and will hopefully set it up with me. After that I know I can reach my goal because I will be able to use it everyday, even humid days, if I put my fan right in front of it. And if I just really stick to eating healthy, I'll be fine, I think. I have to believe I'll be fine.

Amanda showed me an article a couple weeks ago about obstacles to losing weight. Some of it was silly, but one has really stuck out at me. It said you'll never lose weight if you don't love your body. I've thought a lot about that for the past few days. I don't necessarily agree 100% with it. I am repulsed by my body - I hate it. I hate how I look when I stand naked in front of a mirror. It makes me want to die. But I think I derive a lot of strength from that because it pushes me to change. But on the other hand, sometimes I look in the mirror and think "well that's it. I'm a lost cause. I'll never lose weight and never look any better than this so why do I even bother?" and I think that's where I've been lately. I've been very discouraged and I was there all weekend, hence my snacking. But tonight I realized I don't hate my entire body. I like that I'm short. I like that I have tiny hands and feet. I like my hair and I generally like my skin and being pale. And referencing last year when I was 178lbs, I could look in the mirror and not feel completely hopeless and I know I have the potential to love my body. And I think despite hating my weight, I can push through it and at least give myself the illusion that I love my body by really focusing on the parts that I love. I got a pedicure today and it made me realize that I should focus on enhancing the parts of myself that are nice and the body will follow. So I'm going to focus on keeping my hair healthy, I'm going to stop biting my nails, I'm going to use my body brush on my skin and continue to moisturize and take care of it, especially my face. I really hope this will encourage me to let my body follow.

So I've hit a bit of a roadblock lately and have stayed the same weight but I think I'm ready to break through it. My problem lately (minus the not working out/eating due to the humidity) has been all psychological so I just need to be strong enough to recognize the signs and be strong enough to rise above and look at the big picture. And the big picture is me at 130lbs, healthy and fit, with one less thing holding me back from living my life the way that I want to.

-Monica

June, so far.

Sorry for not updating. It's been another weird week.

I started the week off well. I'm definitely in a better mood and started eating right and exercising. Then the humid weather started up 2 days ago again. It's been rough. Last night was probably the most humid night we had, and before bed I ended up throwing up, and my eyes and head hurt so bad, and I was so lightheaded. It doesn't seem to matter how much water I drink in a day (yesterday it was around 15 glasses). Luckily I did get some sleep last night, so hopefully I'll be less cranky today. It's also a lot less humid today, or seems like it. There's a breeze and it's overcast so that helps.

My eating has mostly been okay. I've been eating well up until yesterday. I forgot my lunch yesterday, and thankfully it was a Wednesday. Every Wednesday at work there is a free lunch downstairs, so instead of paying $8 for parking in one day, I had the free lunch. It wasn't the best - I ate a salad and they had chicken burgers with unhealthy buns. But I was starving and ate it. Then I went for dinner with a friend and we had popcorn shrimp with delicious peppercorn ranch dressing. But since I knew I ate some not-so-good things, I ordered a huge salad for my meal which was nice. This hot weather, especially when I'm at home, makes me not eat very much. I think that's why I haven't seen any dramatic changes lately - I'm not eating enough. But I'm trying. And I'm going to my parent's tomorrow where I know they'll feed me and I'll eat because they have AC. I'll also try to work out a home this weekend  - go for a run on the treadmill at least. And my mom is giving me an extra fan to bring back so I can put that in front of me and hopefully I can work out here on humid days. I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing about feeling so sick in this weather. I guess a part of me is considering moving home and just commuting, but I love living on my own. I think I may just try out the extra fan first, and if that doesn't work, I'll keep an eye on the weather and maybe just go to my parent's on days when it's supposed to be really humid, and stay here the rest of the time.

I did weigh myself this morning though and I'm 191.8lbs. So at least there's a tiny loss. Less than 2lbs to go before the first milestone. I feel like I should be there already but... I guess I have to deal with the fact that I'm losing slower. But only 1.8lbs until I can get my new iphone case! I'm excited because I want a new one so badly. Hopefully after this weekend the scale will hit 190 and I can get one. And then it'll be on to the next goal - to hit 180. Hopefully with increased exercising, once I figure this whole humidity thing out, we'll start seeing the pounds falling off faster. I'd like that anyway.

I guess that's it for now. I'm trying my best to stay positive, even if this weather puts me in a terrible mood. But at least this weather makes it very unlikely that I'll binge on bad food, since I can barely stand the thought of eating, haha. I guess I'd still prefer weather that wasn't humid though. I really need to move somewhere with gorgeous non-humid weather...

-Monica

Starting Over

I'm taking today to start over fresh. It was a bit of a rough weekend. It was a rough week. A bunch of things happened, got too much bad news and combined with being sick, they all piled up and I just kind of fell off the wagon this weekend. I didn't eat anything completely terrible, but yesterday I did eat almost an entire bag of crispy minis. Granted those bags aren't exactly big, and it could have been a lot worse if I had eaten chips or something, but still. I blame my rough week and being sick and it being that time of the month. But I'm starting over today. I'm going to go carbless for a few days just to do a quick detox and hopefully it'll jumpstart my weightloss again. As far as I can tell I haven't gained, but I haven't lost either. We'll see how it goes in a few days. I'm so close to 190 that I don't want to get discouraged now.

It's supposed to be another humid week so I can foresee me not wanting to eat very much. It's why going carbless is a good idea for this week; I tend to not like carbs in the humid weather and very much stick to cold foods like veggies. I'm also hoping to begin exercising again this week. My mom hasn't brought me my new elliptical yet because she's too busy, so I have to continue improvising. Knowing my mom I'll probably be waiting a while still. It sucks too because even in the humid weather I'd use my elliptical. I'd just put a fan in front of it and go to it for an hour or however long. So it's frustrating that the one exercise I want to be doing, I can't.

My LSAT studying has been going well. I've been surprising myself by how well I do on the reading comprehension section. I've realized that my LSAT score is likely going to be directly related to my confidence. I generally don't have confidence in my abilities, but seeing myself consistently do well on this section has changed that a bit. Maybe it'll transfer into my weight-loss abilities as well. I do feel like as soon I hit 178lbs, where I was last year, I'll begin to have  confidence in myself again. But until then it's going to be a struggle.

I'm really not sure what's going on with me lately. I'm moody and emotional and I feel like I'm pushing everyone away. I don't want that and I don't mean to do it but I get like this sometimes. And I think it's times like these when I really need people to make sure I don't push them away. But everyone has their own problems and their own lives and I know that they can't be concerned all the time with how I feel and I get that. But it's still hard and I've just been feeling completely defeated lately. I'm trying so hard to keep my self-esteem up and to convince myself that I deserve the things I have and the people I have in my life, but it was difficult this week. It's a new week though. I'm going to keep my head up and I'll just have to constantly remind myself that I can do this, that I'm smart, and that I deserve the people who love me, and that they do in fact love me. I don't think it'll be easy, but it's just another obstacle I'm going to have to overcome.

New Month

So it's a new month, and a new weight-loss goal to tackle. I haven't done particularly well the past few days because of the heat. I don't have air conditioning and I live on the top floor of my house, with only 2 small fans to cool my room. It's led to me not eating too much because I can't eat in heat like this, nor do I want to cook. I also haven't been able to work out. Combine all of this with the fact that we held book club outside on Tuesday since the study room was being used, I had to go to the hospital yesterday and was diagnosed with heat exhaustion. I had a massive headache and was throwing up, and I couldn't rehydrate because I would just throw up the water. They were pretty close to giving me an IV, but after a while in the cool building I was able to keep my fluids down and I was sent home and ordered to rest. Thus, I won't be working the rest of the week - which is good because I need to rest but sucks for my wallet. Not that heat exhaustion is very serious, but I feel like no one cared about it, lol. The few people I told did not even ask how I was doing today (which is better, thanks, due to the weather today and the beautiful breeze we had all day), aside from my boss, bless her heart. She's always so worried about me. But everyone else.. I dunno.It just bugs me because with all of my friends I'm the first one to ask them how they're feeling after not feeling well, no matter how minor. Maybe that's just the way I am and no one else is like that. Maybe I just shouldn't expect people to act how I would act. And I'm sorry for ranting, it was just bugging me all day since it lowers my self-esteem thinking that no one else cares. And it makes me feel... so alone. And then it makes me not want to lose weight because what's the point and then I stop eating healthy... and I just don't want to go down that path. But sometimes I get so close when stupid shit like this brings me down. Ugh. I dunno. Thank goodness my boss sent me an email asking how I was feeling or else I dunno how I'd feel right now.

Anyway. I weighed myself this morning and I stayed steady at the weight I had last Thursday. This was no surprise. Considering I haven't been eating much the past few days (thus my body probably thinks I'm starving and is storing fat) combined with not exercising and the fact that it's that time of the month, I didn't expect to see a change. But at least I didn't gain, which is the important thing.

I was able to cook some stuff today because it wasn't so hot that I couldn't turn the oven on. I made stuffed tomatoes which were delicious. Definitely a recipe I'm going to have to keep. I also bought crispy lettuce wraps which I can use as a substitution for bread and wraps when wanting a light lunch. It's really nice and nutritious. Other than that I just relaxed and took it easy today. I slept in and got some studying in. I may try to work out tomorrow, but the humidity is supposed to return so we'll have to see. I wish I had the money to buy a portable air conditioner because I'm not sure I can survive many more humid days in this room. I need to move somewhere without humidity. Hopefully I'll get a good night's sleep tonight for once and I'll feel almost 100% tomorrow, because this no sleeping thing has brought my headaches back. I felt fine for most of the day except for being slightly nauseous for the duration of my headache (which is still here). Hopefully some rest will make them disappear again - I was pretty happy not dealing with a headache for a week.

I guess that's all for now. Sorry for ranting and the semi-angsty post. I just get frustrated and wonder if this is all worth it sometimes. But I guess it is, if for no one else but myself. I just have to try to keep my head up throughout.

-Monica

Sunday Weigh-in

I know. I just weighed in on Thursday. But I just wanted to see how I was doing, especially after yesterday. I had an off day yesterday and doubled my carb intake. It's still probably nowhere near the carb intake of people not on diets.. but it was double for me. I had a cup of all-bran flakes in the morning, and then for dinner I had 2 pieces of multi-grain toast and a small potato. Granted these were all healthy carbs, it's still double the amount I'd usually eat. I also didn't eat many veggies - I just wasn't feeling them yesterday. I've been having a weird couple days, and yesterday was the worst. I still ate well and didn't exceed 1300 calories, but not as healthy as I should have. I'm going to blame this, and the fact that I've been really depressed all week on PMS'ing. It's a little early to be PMS'ing.. but that's my excuse.

Anyways, my weight is now 192.4lbs! I've lost 2lbs since Thursday. It's funny because Amanda lost 2lbs this week and I said to her "I wish I could lose 2lbs in a week" and my body listened and did it in 3 days. So I'm officially down 7.6lbs from May 1st. I'm so close to my goal of 8lbs this month! And I'm getting so close to the first 10lbs. I know my 10lb reward was to buy a new book, but I've changed that to buying a new iPhone case. The ones on ebay are cheaper than a book, and plus... I really want a new case. The day I got my iPhone I was looking on ebay and almost bought one but I was like nope! I have to wait to reward myself. And it's getting so close and now I'm excited.

I've been pretty active the past few days which is probably why I saw this big drop. I spent 6 hours cleaning my room yesterday... and no, it wasn't THAT messy. I literally cleaned all my dressers and everything on them, organized a bunch of dresser drawers, moved all the furniture around and vacuumed, dusted everything... I even cleaned the walls. I don't even know how many calories I burned doing that. Then I also did p90x and worked on my legs. I can't really do that video properly though because a lot of it is pullups, and I don't have a pullup bar or anywhere to hang bands to simulate pullups. So I end up just doing the leg routines. Not that I could do a pullup anyway...

I'd also like to complain a little about my skin care regimen. My body brush hasn't come in yet, so I've been using an exfoliant on my arms and I've gone back to exfoliating my face. There's no change in my arms, except that they're a bit softer from the lotion, but I've only done it twice so I don't expect a change yet. But my face?! Guess what I woke up with?! A blemish on my forehead! I have literally not had a blemish for about a year and 9 months, thanks to Accutane. It was a year of complete and utter HELL being on that medication, but it was so worth it for the clear skin. I've never really put anything on my face since I've been off the medication except for moisturizer everyday. And the minute I decide to start exfoliating, I get a blemish. Yeah, okay, it's one mark on my face but that's one mark too many. It's so annoying and I don't know if it's just because you tend to get worse at the beginning when exfoliating or if my skin just doesn't like the product (although I've used it before) or if it's just a coincidence. So I'm not sure I'll continue doing it - I guess I'll give it another week or so and if I get no more breakouts then I'll continue it. But grrrr. It's been so long since I've had to deal with any sort of pimple or breakout on my face and I don't plan on dealing with them ever again, so it needs to go away soon.

Today I'm going to make sure I get my veggies in. I'm going to study for a little bit and then do Kenpo X (which is one of my favourites. Yayyyy kickboxing). Then I'll probably wander into the kitchen and whip something up since I am out of leftovers to warm up (except for the chicken salad but I'll save that for tomorrow). Other than that I'm just going to relax today and try to cheer up and get out of this funk I've been in. It's a brand new week so.. hopefully I can start the week off right.

-Monica

Thursday Weigh-in

I guess Thursday is my new weigh-in day, because that's when I always seem to weigh myself. So I'm 194.4lbs. I suppose that's pretty good considering I had a cheat weekend. So since May 1st I'm down 5.6lbs. When I look at the number, I'm happy because I'm almost at the 190 mark. But at the same time I keep thinking  "I've only lost 5.6lbs in 26 days" and it's not very encouraging looking at it that way. But I suppose the important thing is that the weight is coming off, no matter how slow. I'd like to see myself down another pound before the end of the month so that I'll have lost almost 7lbs this month. I'd be happy with 7lbs, since it'll be close to my goal of 8lbs. So, we'll see.

It takes less for me to get full now. I did some research and it takes 4 weeks of a reduced calorie diet to "shrink" your stomach (by that I just mean feeling fuller by eating less), so it makes sense that I'm feeling that way this week. But it's making it kind of hard because I already have enough trouble getting enough calories in. But I'm happy about that.

I had a good day. I spent about 2 hours in the kitchen cooking. I made a really good meal for dinner and then made some chicken salad to eat for lunch the next couple of days. It's DELICIOUS. Oh man... it's so good, haha. I'm excited to eat lunch tomorrow. But I'm trying to keep my carbs to 2 servings per day so when I have a chicken salad it means no carbs for dinner, so that kind of sucks. But I'll survive. I know it's better to eat those sorts of carbs earlier in the day anyway. I bought groceries today too and bought some healthy cereal and skim milk to have in the morning once in a while. I also bought weight watchers multi-grain bread, even though I really wanted to buy rye bread, because it had less calories, sugar and carbs. So I was good!

I also took some time and bought some skin products while I was shopping. I know this is technically a weight-loss blog but I'm trying to make myself healthier in other ways too, so I'll talk about that for a bit. I have a skin condition called keratosis pilaris, which is really common (most people don't even know they have it). Usually it's pretty under control, but lately I've noticed it acting up a little. You can't cure it, only treat it. So I did a lot of research on different ways to treat it. I bought a dry body brush the other day, so when that comes in I'm going to start body brushing. It's great for you anyway, so even if it doesn't work I'll keep up with it. It's supposed to be really good for circulation and I have problems with that so I'm excited to start. I also bought some exfoliating cream and lotion to use on my arms. And then I bought some moisturizer with aloe in it (HAPPY NICK?!) to use on my face after I spend time outside. So I'm going to start treating my skin right starting tonight. I have nice skin, minus the keratosis pilaris on my upper arms, so I should treat it right. Here's to healthy skin!

Today I've had about 1000 calories. Yesterday I had about 1200. I didn't work out yesterday because I was so sore from the previous day. But today I did the arms/shoulder p90x video and I'll definitely feel it tomorrow. I skipped the ab video because it kills me - I'll try doing it once my stomach is a bit flatter. It was already an hour's workout anyway so I burned a lot of calories. I was going to clean and burn some more calories but I ended up not having time. So I'll take a day this weekend and clean my room up. And hopefully I'll locate my measuring tape so I can finally take my measurements. And hopefully once I do that I'll see myself losing inches, even if the scale is going down slowly.

I think that's all for now. I'm just doing what I normally do and eating healthy. Since I won't have a cheat weekend this weekend, I'll be hoping to see a drop before the end of the month. I'll do my best to see that happen!

-Monica

P.S. Pictures were posted on facebook today of the wrestling event, and I am so upset over how big I actually look in them. Looking at pictures of myself now make me hate myself, and I hate feeling like that. It's so disheartening to look at them and almost makes me want to give up. They make me feel like I'm going to stay this way forever and be fat and disgusting. I hate it. Ugh. I'm trying my best to keep my head up and realize that I won't look like that forever, but it's hard when it's already going so slow and all I want is to look in the mirror and feel comfortable. I never know how to cheer myself up after stuff like this.

Day 24

Sorry for not writing in a few days - it was a busy weekend. I had another cheat weekend because of my mom's birthday. I had half a hot dog, 4 pieces of rye bread and a s'more on the campfire. It could have been much worse, but I know I still ate things I shouldn't have. I also made sure to eat plenty of vegetables throughout the day but I know it doesn't make up for it. But I now have about a month before I need to have another cheat weekend. I have a wedding June 25th and I don't plan on cheating until then. I'd also like to weigh 187lbs by then... so that's 8lbs I'll need to lose a month which I think is easily doable if I exercise at least 5 days a week and keep an eye on my diet.

I've also decided that my official weight is 195lbs. I compared my scale to a bunch of other scales and mine was consistently 3lbs heavier than the rest. So from now on I'm going to subtract 3lbs from my scale to get my weight. This makes me feel better about my weight too! I didn't weigh myself Sunday just because I had on Thursday, so the next time I weigh myself will be Sunday, and hopefully I'll see another pound or two gone.

I was having a rough day yesterday and was pretty discouraged. I was trying to take a picture of myself on my new iPhone and I just looked awful in every single picture I took. And I felt so fat and I was so discouraged. I'm still pretty discouraged currently but I'm trying to keep my head up. It's not easy some days.. but maybe on Sunday if I weigh myself and I see a loss I'll be happier.

But I'm back on track today. I was frustrated though because I realized that I left my running shoes at home, so I have no elliptical and no shoes to go running. So instead, I began p90x again and will keep that up until I get my new elliptical, and may even keep it up after. I was proud of myself because I did the entire video, and only skipped over the pushups (which I modified a few and did some of them), another move that I don't have enough room for, and another move that really bugs my neck when I do it. Other than that I went full out and did everything else. I felt so good after.

My final calorie count for the day is 1298, which is the closest to my goal that I've ever come. So I'm pretty happy with that number. I also made a delicious and healthy meal which I'm going to add to my regular meals because it was so good. I haven't eaten enough veggies today but that's because I need to get groceries tomorrow after work. Until then I'll have to make do with what I have for tomorrow's lunch (which will likely just be salad with cucumbers). But oh well! I can deal with salad.

I really am trying to keep my head up. I keep saying that when I start to see my collarbone is when I'll really be committed to doing this since I'll be seeing results. But honestly, I feel like as soon as I hit 178lbs, which is what I was last year, I'll feel really committed to it. I remember how good I was feeling about myself last summer and how happy I was with my results, and I want to feel like that again. It'll be such a happy day when I can fit back into the jeans I bought in August and even better when they start to become big on me. Until then.. I guess I'll just have to work hard.

Day 19

So we're on day 19! I broke down and weighed myself this morning because it was driving me insane and 198lbs! This is on my scale, so I think it would be 195 on my moms? I'm not sure. I'm going to bring my scale to my parents this weekend and compare so that I know the weights on both. But so excited! It means I'm -2 from 200, but in the past month or so it means 9lbs! I'm so excited and it got me motivated for the rest of the day.

I cleaned all day. Everything in the kitchen and the bathroom. On Monday I'm going to clean my room and the front entrance and probably vacuum the TV room. I'm not sure how many calories I burned doing that but it must have been significant. Then I did cardio for 30 minutes only because my elliptical broke! I'm so sad. I might ask for another for my birthday because I really love them and I'm not looking forward to having to run outside now. I don't mind going for a run once in a while but not everyday. I guess I'll put up with it though.

My calorie count for the past 2 days have been as follows:

day 18 - 1239
day 19 - 1433

My calorie count for today is not taking into account the calories I burned, just because I'm not sure how much I burned while cleaning. I looked up general cleaning on a site and it said 204/hour, and I cleaned for 3.5 hours, but that seems a little steep. Either way, I'm going to have a small healthy snack in a bit so that I can increase my food consumption for the day. I also did not eat as many veggies today as I wanted to because I just got so busy cleaning and forgot lunch until late, and then just made something quick and kept going. But overall I think I'm doing well! I've had a good day. It's been a pretty good week actually because I found out I get to graduate which is exciting. I'm so happy that worked out.

This weekend I'm going to a BBQ my grandma is putting on. Thankfully I already asked her to make me chicken instead of steak (even if I could so go for a steak!) and she always has lots of veggies and fruit. I may drink a little, depending if I drive or not, but I'll try to stick with water. And I'll try my best to not snack on anything there, though knowing my grandma it'll mostly be fruit. I know it's going slow but every pound is a step closer to my goal and seeing the number on the scale go down, no matter how slowly, makes me want to continue this. I know I can do this, I just have to patient.

-Monica

Back on track

So, the wrestling thing was this weekend. I chugged 4 coolers with my sister in about.. 10 minutes (her idea) but that was my only alcohol for the day. I really didn't want to get mike's because they are so full of sugar, but oh well. It happened, and I'm moving on. I didn't eat any snacks at the event because the lines were so long, but I did have McDonalds afterwards. I'm kind of glad I did because I know sometimes it's good to gorge on carbs when you hit a plateau. The next day I had Subway but I tried to be as healthy as I could and picked the oven roasted chicken breast on wheat with light mayonnaise. So all in all, not a horrible weekend but it's time to get back on track.

I haven't been recording my calories lately - I've been counting them, just not writing them down. I'm going to start recording them again tomorrow. Also, I'm able to eat carbs again so I bought some brown rice and some small potatoes yesterday. I'm so excited. I'm going to make a potato tomorrow for dinner, woooo. Other than that things are going well. I weighed myself on my mom's scale on Saturday morning and it said 196lbs, so I like hers better. I'm actually probably going to use her scale to determine my weight loss and 10lbs increment rewards, haha. I know I probably won't see much of a drop on the scale this week but oh well.

I'm beginning to way up my cardio. I'm starting 5 days a week and going to eventually get to everyday. Today I did 40 minutes on the elliptical, pretty intensely. I felt great after but I was so exhausted. I'll do either the elliptical or running at least everyday until Saturday, and I will hopefully get to ride my bike to work on Friday again. Slowly but surely I'll get back into shape and hopefully I'll start seeing results soon.

I've finally decided on incremental rewards for when I hit milestones. I'm going to do it every 10lbs. So when I've lost:

10lbs - new book
20lbs - pedicure
30lbs - manicure (assuming I've broken my nail biting habit and my messed up nails are better - if not, I'll move this down)
40lbs - new shoes
50lbs - new purse
60lbs - new bras and bra fitting & possibly a new piercing (haven't decided)
70lbs - new tattoo & new wardrobe!

I'm pretty excited about all of those. Hopefully I'll get all the way to the bottom. I'll be so sad if I don't. But that's where all you guys come in to help motivate me - so far it's worked! I was definitely not feeling like working out today but I remembered Nick telling me he'd be mad if I didn't, so I did. And I'm glad that I did. It'll be so much easier though, when I move back home and am able to join a gym again. That way I'll be able to mix the cardio up a bit more and do the step master and whatever other cardio machines they have. Then I figure once I'm down 40-50lbs I'm going to start weights (or at least yoga) and begin toning myself up. I'll be excited once I can see my collarbone again - I think once they appear I'll really know how far I've come and want to keep going. But until then....

-Monica

Frustrated.

I'm frustrated, and I had an awful day. And it began by weighing myself.

I weighed myself this morning and I have not lost anymore weight. I don't understand why. It's been almost 2 weeks. It's not like I'm expecting to have lost 10lbs by now, but another pound or even a half pound would have been nice. I've been eating so healthy and I should be seeing results, no matter how small, and I'm not. It's so incredibly frustrating. Every other time I've decided to lose weight, I've had absolutely no problem losing the first 20lbs. I've never gotten stuck like this so fast, and it's extremely discouraging. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I haven't been working out as much lately, but weight loss is 90% diet, and I should be losing based solely on my diet. I just don't get it and when things like this happen it makes me want to give up. I feel healthier and yes, that was the goal, but I fully expect to see weight loss along with it. I've lost more weight while not following a diet like this so I just don't understand. I've been so proud of myself for sticking with it these past 2 weeks and I was really excited to weigh myself and... nothing. I don't know if I'm retaining water or what, but it sucks. And it was a horrible start to my day and it's taking everything I can to not just give up and go eat a hot dog or taco bell or something. I don't know.. Advice? Should I be trying to work out more? Should I maybe switch the types of veggies I'm eating, because I tend to stick to a select few of my favourites? Any advice would help.

Overall it's been a bad day. I know it's Friday the 13th, but I would have had this day regardless of the date. I couldn't find my keys this morning after tearing my room apart, so I was late leaving. I rode my bike to work, and wow, it's a longer bike ride than I expected. And so hilly! The chain fell off of my bike on the way there so I had to fix it and I ended up being a little late to work. Then while at work, a guy from the registrar's office came to visit me because he was told I worked there. Apparently there's a problem with my paperwork to graduate and it's possible I won't be able to this year. It's a long story but basically, at the beginning of the year I was given approval to not take the required courses for my criminology specialization because they weren't being offered, and since it wasn't my fault my advisor said he'd get approval to substitute other courses in for them. I was assured that there would be NO problem when it came time to graduate. Well here we are, and the advisor doesn't remember the exact situation, so I had to explain it to the registrar guy and he told me he'd try his best to figure it out. He says they try to accommodate students with high grades like mine and they'll do their best, but that sometimes it doesn't work out. It makes me so mad because this isn't my fault. In September, I had options where I could have dropped the specialization and just done a double major. But because I was assured there'd be no problem, I continued with my program thinking all would be well. And now..... ugh. It's such a headache that I can't even deal with right now. And I keep thinking the worst and that I won't be able to graduate and how unfair that is. So cross your fingers for me.

I had a rough bike ride home because my bum hurts. I'm just not used to riding my bike yet so I'll have to deal with the pain. I do know it's going to be a few days before I can ride again. But it rained on the way home, my bra strap broke, the chain fell off again and it was so humid I was dying. I somehow survived and had to take 2 hours to drive to my parents, which usually takes about 50 minutes, because it was raining so hard I could barely see. And when I got home I was told my car, which has been getting fixed this week, has to get an entire new ignition and it's going to cost quite a bit. Thankfully my mom is going to pay for it, since it had this problem before she gave it to me. She also paid for new brakes, yay. So while I wait I get to drive my mom's brand new car, so whatever. I'm not complaining.

But yeah, it's been a rough day. I get to see Hulk Hogan tomorrow though so I hope that makes up for such a bad day today. And hopefully next week I'll get to see the scale go down a little more. I have calorie counts for the past few days but I'll post them the next time I write. For now I'm just going to try to relax and end the day on a good note, and try not to be so discouraged about everything.

And thank you to my wonderful boyfriend who listened to me bitch incessantly about all of this all day long. I'm not sure I could have gotten through the day without him. Love youuuu.

-Monica

Day 11

Calorie count for today and yesterday:

day 10 - 1196
day 11 - 1080

I had a lot of trouble eating enough today for some reason. I didn't really do anything different so I'm not really sure what was going on, which is why my count for today is low. Oh well, one day can't hurt. And I didn't exercise or anything today so I guess it won't be too bad.

I'm going to measure myself and weigh myself this week on either Friday or Saturday morning since I'll probably have gone up on Sunday. So I'll update again then, along with the rewards I've decided to give myself for every milestone I pass.

Not much else to say except that I'm following things as best as I can. I'm not craving taco bell so much anymore, but I could really go for some pizza. Like some quadruple cheese pizza or something... mmm. Eating vegetables just doesn't cut it sometimes. Ohhhh well.  I guess I have to deal with it until I'm at a weight where I can allow myself to have bad stuff once in a while. For now I'll just keep, very reluctantly, eating my vegetables.

-Monica

Day 9

I'm already on day 9. The first 17 days are just flying by. I had a bit of an off day yesterday so I have no calorie count for it. My babci came home from Australia after 6 months and I went to pick her up at the airport and we went out to dinner. We ordered spinach dip to snack on, so I had some of that, but just a little. And because I snacked on that, I ended up just ordering a dinner salad as my main course with chicken and a lighter dressing. It probably still wasn't the best for me, but I did my best. I ate well the rest of the day too, minus some candy and chocolate that I ate, which I feel really guilty about! But I'm kind of glad I ate it because as I was eating the chocolate, I realized it really wasn't that great. So I can't see myself binging on chocolate or candy anytime soon. I'd much prefer snacking on something healthier now, I guess (unless we're talking nachos or ice cream).

So far today I've had 1044 calories. I'll probably have a small snack in an hour or so. This week is kind of crazy because I'm so busy so I don't know how much working out I'll get in, but I'll try. And then this Saturday is going to be a cheat day because I'm going to see wrestling with my brother and sister and there will be quite a bit of drinking. I'm going to try to keep my calorie intake below 2000 though and then get right back on track on Sunday. Hopefully it won't screw everything up.

I think I have a little more faith in doing this the past 2 days. I think it has something to do with my mom telling me she was proud of me when I ordered a salad. It's nice to hear that from someone who's opinion I value a lot. Knowing she thinks I can do this helps. I was also looking at myself in the mirror today and sucking in my gut (what girl doesn't do this? haha) and I realized how much I could like how I look. I've never wanted to be stick thin and I'll be okay being lean and healthy even if it means not being a size 0. I just want to get to a weight where I look in the mirror and don't worry that I'm going to get a double chin or something stupid like that. I want to get to a point where I think I'm pretty. I want to get to a point where I feel confident enough to allow myself to stand out. I think when my face thins out (or if - I tend to always have ridiculous chubby cheeks no matter what my size) and when I see my upper body becoming leaner, I'll start to have a lot more confidence in myself. And I can't wait! I'll be so much happier even at the point where I've only lose 30-40lbs. But for now.. I just have to keep working, knowing that I'll get to that point eventually.

-Monica

P.S. Nick is awesome and I love him. (Happy?)

Sunday Weigh-in

Just a quick update on my weigh-in. I completely forgot and weighed myself after I had eaten some of my breakfast but the scale said 199.0! So I`d like to think that I`ve lost a pound since Thursday! So exciting! I just wish it would go faster, haha. But I`ll take it for now.

-Monica

Day 7

So I'm almost done one week of healthy eating. I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow morning and see if the scale is nice to me. I hope it is. I've been doing pretty well with working out. I went for a run on Thursday, took Friday off and did almost an hour of yoga today. My calorie intake has been pretty good too:

day 4 - 1199
day 5 - 1256
day 6 - 1120

Just 10 more days and I can eat things like rice and potatoes every other day. I'm excited. I've pretty much found the vegetables I like to eat - green beans, cucumbers, broccoli, sweet peppers, tomatoes, lettuce, celery. I just can't bring myself to love carrots no matter how hard I try even though I know they're good for you. And I still refuse to eat onions. I'm going to buy some brussel sprouts soon I think and make those because I love them. But for now I'm happy with these veggies.

I spent a couple hours looking up recipes the other night, because I get bored eating the same things over and over again. I found some pretty good recipes so I'm going to start making those. It's really just different ways to season chicken and how to cook veggies in different ways. I'm also thinking about starting to make my own condiments, like salsa, ketchup, salad dressing. I know I could definitely successfully make salsa and it'll be so much more healthier than store-bought stuff, and I do like eating salsa on my chicken. And I'm buying fat-free, low-cal salad dressing and limiting my intake but I think homemade dressing could be healthier. So far all of the condiments - and really everything - I buy are either low-cal, fat-free, salt-free, reduced salt, reduced sugar, sugar-free or a combination of those. We'll see if I'll be able to make my condiments healthier by making my own though. I'll probably start with salsa.

I'm really hoping I'll at least see another half pound gone tomorrow morning. If there's not, I'm going to be pretty discouraged. I've been kind of struggling the past couple days because I'm so impatient. I hate having to wait to see results and I spend so much time just staring at myself in the mirror wondering why I don't look different. Logically I know I won't see results yet, but I'm not logical about this and it gets hard. Hopefully I'll just power through though and keep going. I feel healthier so I guess I just have to wait to see that translate to my physical appearance.

Other than that, still drinking 8-10 glasses of water a day, and I've gone back to drinking one cup of green tea a day. We'll see if that helps me feel healthier. I'm still waiting for this healthy eating to ease my headaches and make sleeping easier, but that has yet to happen. I hope it does though. I'll try to update quickly tomorrow after I weigh myself. Until then...

-Monica

Weigh-in

Just a short update -

I weighed myself today. It was kind of an inopportune time to choose to weigh myself because I've realized I am pre-menstrual and I do usually gain a few pounds around that time. But the scale said 199.8lbs. I'm really not sure what I was when I started trying to eat healthy a few weeks back but I know it was probably somewhere around 204 or 205. So seeing the scale under 200lbs, even just by .2lbs makes me feel good. I think from now on I'll weigh myself on Sundays, so I'll update again then. Hopefully it'll be an even smaller number then!

-Monica

Day 4

So I'm on day 4. Tomorrow I'm finally going to weigh myself and hopefully I'll at least not entirely hate the number on the scale but I'm scared nonetheless! But I need to start tracking my weight and weighing myself once a week so I might as well start.

My calorie intake for the week has been decent:

day 1 - 844
day 2 - 1253
day 3 - 1120

Today I'm at 600 so far, but I still have dinner to eat and a snack later. And I'm drinking 8-10 glasses of water a day. The 17 day diet wants you to drink 3 glasses of green tea as well. I had started doing that but I've been having such trouble sleeping lately that I've stopped just to see if the green tea was the problem. I'll probably start again next week but lower my intake to just one cup per day and not after noon or something like that.

I am so ready for the first 17 days to be over so I can eat potatoes, haha. I miss potatoes sooo much! But I understand not eating carbs because it kickstarts the whole thing and helps you detox. So I know it's a good idea but I'll just be so happy when it's over! I don't know if I could ever be a vegetarian. I absolutely love certain vegetables but eating so many of them every single day becomes boring!

I haven't been working out too much lately. It's been raining and I haven't been able to ride my bike to work or walk yet. It's also caused me to not be able to go for any runs. Today is beautiful and I wanted to work out but I had designated Wednesday as a rest day and plus my head is just pounding. Just my luck! So I've compromised and just done yoga. I found this yoga book called "Slim Calm Sexy Yoga" and I love it. Some of the moves are so advanced and I doubt I'll EVER be able to do them but there are some I'm going to work up to. Plus it gave a 5-minute metabolism boosting routine for the morning which I'm going to try out. And it has yoga to help headaches, carpal tunnel and insomnia. I did the carpal tunnel one yesterday and it made my wrists feel so good. I'm going to try the headache one in a bit to see if it'll help my headaches because it'll just be such a relief to finally find something to help my head. I plan on doing quite a bit of yoga, and hopefully when the weather gets better, to start running.

I've also decided I'm going to write the October LSAT. So I'm taking about a week off from studying then getting back to it at a more leisurely pace. I feel so much better knowing I don't have a huge test to write in June. And I'll have the chance this summer to work up to a 165 or so on the LSAT (higher would be better but I'm being realistic!). This also gives me more time to just get into a routine of eating healthy and working out and falling into a schedule.

I think that's pretty much all I have right now. I found a fantastic low-carb, low-sugar blog with tons of recipes that I'm planning to try out soon so I'll report back if I find any delicious recipes. And I also bought slimfast bars today just in case I ever have a craving for a snack (I promised I wouldn't eat one more than a few times a week - hopefully 2 or less a week!) and the flavour I bought was chocolate chip cookie dough, haha. I'm super excited. It'll be good to have for me because my blood sugar gets really low sometime and the fruit I'm eating is lower sugar fruits so those don't always help. Plus if I indulge once in a while it's not so bad, as long as I stay within my calorie count. Anyways that's all for now. It's going well and I'm feeling healthier (minus the headaches still! Maybe those will disappear once I start losing weight....) but definitely still craving taco bell. :P

-Monica

PS. Amanda.... if I find out you ordered poutine..... ;P

Day One

So today was day one. It was mostly a success.


My final calorie count for the day was 844 - much lower than I wanted but actually not bad considering. I ended up having such a busy day that I missed my second serving of fruit and didn't have time to snack on veggies throughout the day. I ate a lot though. I'm going to aim for at least 1000 calories from now on, but I'm okay with being under today. 


I went for a 35 minute run today. It felt good but I was exhausted after. I can't wait until I'm in better shape and can go on 1.5 hour runs like I was doing last summer. I also got my bike out and brought it back home with me. I plan on riding it to work at least 3 times a week and walking the day that I don't. It really beats having to pay $4 for parking everyday, and having to pay for gas. The handlebars are a bit low on the bike - I've had it since I was 11 or 12 but otherwise it still fits me pretty well. It'll get at least 15-20 extra minutes of working out in every day too if I ride it to and from work. 


I didn't get to study today which was a little disappointing. Second day in a row I haven't which worries me. I may skip my yoga tomorrow to study instead and then do yoga if I have time. We'll see. I hate not studying because I really need to, but I also want to work out... I hate having to choose. But I guess studying does come first.


I've been trying to think of small rewards to give myself when I hit milestones. I think every 10lbs or so. I'm having trouble of thinking of non-food related rewards, though. So far I've come up with pedicure, tattoo (I've been telling myself for the past 2 years I can't get another tattoo until I've lost weight so thats one I've been saying for a while), new shoes and a manicure once I finally grow my nails, but I still need to think of more. Hopefully I will!


I think that's it for now. I'll update again later this week and hopefully have my current weight and possibly my measurements. Overall, I think the first day went well!


-Monica

Scheduling

I took some time today to whip up some schedules that I'll try to follow this summer. These schedules will be in effect until June 6th, assuming I take the June LSAT (it's looking iffy right now!). If I do, my schedule will clear up significantly as I won't need to spend 3 hours a day studying and I'll have more time to work out and just relax. I'll still have to spend at least a few hours a week preparing my law school applications, but that won't be as time consuming as LSAT prep. I have two schedules made up, because I alternate working Mondays with another girl.

Schedule A

Schedule B

I've tried to give myself enough time to work out - at least an hour a day 5 days a week. And I've tried to schedule my meals in there as well. I think I've done a pretty good job, and it'll be a schedule I'll try to stick to for the first month or so. It'll be busy and I won't have much time for myself, but I just have to realize it'll only be for 4 weeks!

I have realized that the day I've chosen to start this - May 1 - is the day after I attend a buck and doe for my cousin. Hopefully I won't have a massive hangover! And even if I do, what better way to combat a hangover than to go for a run and treat my body right, right? I hope! I'll try to be smart Saturday night and not drink too much. If there's one thing I know it's that alcohol is the enemy on diets! At least the alcohol I love to drink. So I'll try to avoid it as much as I can, and when I do drink, I'll keep it to one or two ounces of vodka.

I didn't expect to update this so soon, but I was excited to share my schedule. I feel like this is really going to happen. I have a lot of trouble following schedules though, but hopefully this is one I'll be able to stick to. And if it comes down to it, I'll have to choose studying over working out at least for this month, as LSAT takes precedent over exercising for now (but I'll still be eating healthy!).

I never thought I'd be so excited to start something like this, but I really feel like I'll accomplish this. It's a good feeling!

-Monica

All it Takes is One Year.

One year. Just one. That's all it's going to take. 


It's April 26th and in just 5 days, I'm starting a journey. A journey that I've started so many times and have never fully committed to finishing. But that stops in 5 days. I have a plan this time.


I'm 21 years old, am 5'1 and weigh 200lbs. Thankfully I don't look like I weigh as much as I do, but I definitely feel it. Especially lately. And I'm tired of feeling so heavy. So unattractive. So... fat. It hurts me that I've let myself get to this point. I used to be so good about my weight and staying at a relatively healthy weight and I'm not sure what happened. Life happened, I guess. I unfortunately have the bad luck of gaining weight when I'm stressed which.. for a university student, is more often than not. But I'm ready to change, and in 6 days, it's going to change. And I plan to change it in one year.


My goal? To weigh 130lbs. Even less would be great, but I'd be so happy at 130. That's only 70lbs. By following a 1300 calorie diet (at least for now) coupled with working out at least 5 times a week for at least 30 minutes a day, I know I can do it.


From May until the end of August, I plan to lose 30-35lbs. That's less than 10lbs a month, but I'm trying to be reasonable here and leave some room for a few days when I'll stray from my diet, ie. my birthday. But with a 1300 calorie diet, maybe even 1250, I can see this being done easily. So the goal by the end of August will be 165-170lbs. 


From September until the end of the year, I plan to lose an additional 20lbs. This is only 5lbs a month, but I know that the closer you get to your goal the harder it is to lose, and I need to account for plateaus I know I will encounter. The Christmas season will definitely factor into this, but I plan to at least maintain my weight. The goal by the end of the year is 145-150lbs.


From January until the end of April, I will lose the rest of the 15-20lbs. This will probably be the hardest stretch which is why I'm giving myself 4 months to do it. The home stretch... I almost can't wait!


I know there's the possibility that I could lose more and be well on my way to my goal, but I need to plan for plateaus and any slips that I have. I'm going to try my best to stay pretty true to this diet - it'll start at 1200-1300 calories a day and as I lose I'll adjust accordingly. I'm going to start by getting back into running - starting with one mile and then slowly increasing the distance. I also plan on walking or riding a bike to work most of the summer (also because gas is so expensive!) I'll update this blog once I start, and then hopefully once or twice a week on my progress, as well as recording my calorie intake & exercising routines, just to keep me on track. I find it so much easier to record things down - maybe seeing the progress right in front of my eyes will motivate me. And I'll post pictures hopefully when I see a little progress!


I will learn to love vegetables and fish and fruit. I will learn to love working out. And most of all, I will learn to love my body.


1 year. 365 days. Here we go.